Good Natured Gardening: Excessive-tech presents could make gardening a breeze

T-minus 17 days and counting to Christmas. As you make your list, double-check it to make sure it includes the latest technologically advanced items to make your gardening life easier.

Are you considering or at least dreaming of the following amenities:

The Gardyn Home Kit 3.0 is, according to MyGardyn.com, “the only artificial intelligence (AI) indoor garden built to grow 30 plants year-round. “Machine learning algorithms take the guesswork out of growing a bounty crop by monitoring the vital signs of each plant, even when you’re away. 95% less water, 50% more nutrients, zero waste, zero pesticides.” Their Hybriponic™ technology delivers a fast, bountiful harvest in 2 square feet. The starter set contains plant food, accessories, cameras and plant lamps. $1,000 plus 1-year membership for $34 per month.

Mowing your lawn can be a chore, especially when you don’t want to do it. The Husqvarna Automower 430XH 18 Volt 9.45″ robotic lawn mower has GPS and can mow up to 1 acre. According to Husqvarna, their app “enables planning, location and monitoring of mowing status”. The self-installation kit contains instructions for setting up the charging station and installing the guide wire. $2,500.

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I have a similar high-tech wonder. I just say, “Alexa, mow my lawn,” and it takes off. It also has GPS and Wi-Fi capabilities so it can order and pick up pizza. It’s my new best friend. However, if you don’t install the boundary posts that indicate which areas to mow, you could end up mowing the entire neighborhood, much to people’s delight. Or dismay when it mows down her precious tulips. Its headlights allow it to cruise around at night and arouse the curiosity of your neighbors, some of whom may report it as an alien sighting. You should see the patterns it makes on your lawn. People will think you’ve hit the sauce.

But wait. there is more My little friend also blows snow on sidewalks, streets, surrounding yards, and on parked cars. Expect to meet some new neighbors. Priceless.

“Go green with the GreenWorks G-Max cordless pruner. A collapsible shaft extends from 5 to 8 feet to accommodate a variety of cutting heights.” The lithium-ion battery retains memory after the power supply is depleted, so you don’t have to reprogram it. $170.

Caution: Lithium batteries are safe until they self-ignite. We’ve all heard the headline, “You jump out of your pants after your phone explodes in your pocket.” Indeed, several men jumped out of their pants as their phones exploded. It is recommended that you call 911 if a battery changes shape, makes noise, or explodes. Play it safe and don’t carry a pole saw in your bag.

The realistic looking Garden Defense Electronic Owl takes the original plastic garden lure to the next level by adding movement and sound. When its sensors detect nearby garden pests, it turns its head in that direction and yells to scare the critters away. $45.

My decoy owl also howls, although it sounds more like a cow than an owl. Upon spotting bad guys, it angrily says “Go away” and all bears immediately run away. Since his head rotates 360°, he tends to fall off. Simply unscrew again. Instructions are included.

The Tertill Weed-Eating Robot is a solar powered, weatherproof weed killer. It can tend a 10 x 20 foot yard and uses Bluetooth to pair with your smartphone so you can keep an eye on it. It comes with metal guides to ensure the robot doesn’t accidentally gobble up your prized perennials. Only $300 at Tertill.com.

There are many different weed eating terminators on the market. Some of these robots will nibble on that pesky weed and any other plant that gets in their way because they can’t really tell the difference. It uses Bluetooth to pair with your smartphone so you can find out when it’s coming home at night. It’s solar powered. It’s weatherproof. It slices and dices. Ginsu knives are not included.

OK, this one is nowhere near high tech, but I had to find a cheap product. It’s the lightweight Gorilla Grip Thick Kneeling Pad. It protects your knees when working in the garden or in the house. I use mine in the garden to pray over my struggling chrysanthemums. $16.

Find the answer to your pruning problems with the effortless electric SuperPruner. It’s durable, weighs less than 2 pounds, and “can harness over 200 pounds of pure power.” It’s like having a bionic arm. Can last up to 5 hours with moderate use. $149.

These are not recommendations or endorsements, nor do I have any of them. The ones I claimed were “mine” are not available anywhere.

Happy Holidays.

Schmidt is a Poway resident with over 40 years of gardening experience.